I Think I've Got "Guilty Momma" Syndrome...

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Talk about a throwback for this photo. I had to go back 10 years to find this one. But I have to say this image comes to my mind over and over again when I'm trying to decide what to do with my day. Because this about sums up a lot of what I need to do during the day - I mean, add a stack of bills and several loads of wash, two stinking dogs, kids' stuff, cooking (I DO NOT cook everyday - I'll own that) and on and on, and you've got my day. I have repeatedly asked, Should I go paint? No. Should I go paint now? No. What about now? Oh, wait, I wasted all of my day deciding I shouldn't go paint. Notice I didn't ask did I have time to paint. It was "should I paint". 

This past December I spent my time painting and finishing two commissions. Once those were done I told myself, okay, now I can really focus on family and family time with the whole, big, entire family for the two weeks and then some around Christmas. But a strange thing happened. Once that was over and done, I was enjoying not being so crazy with trying to fit in 100 things that I just quit working out and I stopped painting. Good or bad, well, I'm trying to figure that out. (Christmas Food Tip #1: All the weight that you gain eating all that good family food does NOT come off as fast as it goes on.)

That being said, what I didn't stop doing was writing (I keep an art diary/sketchbook with me at all times) and researching (online) and reading (art books and magazines) and taking photos (love my new iPad dear husband got me for Christmas). I've got all kinds of ideas of things to paint. Only problem is when I finally started to paint, well, it didn't go as planned. I felt so forced but I stuck with it. I would force myself up into the studio to paint, hating - well, getting aggravated with it more and more each day. Why do we do this to ourselves? Oh yeah, now I know. I heard on a podcast or in a book somewhere that we can't wait for inspiration to show up, we have to show up and then inspiration will find us in front of our easel already painting. So, I kept at it.

I just could not get motivated by this painting - it's not a bad start but finally - thank goodness -the big bright lightbulb came on and shown brightly, "hellooo - you know, you can take painting and put it away and start something else!" Duh! Why didn't I think of that two weeks ago! So, for now, it feels nice to be back a comfort zone. I cut a new canvas. Started painting. And am satisfied once more.

​I feel like I got my "mojo" back. And, it's a completely different subject matter. Happy me. Happy painting. Happy little flowers. Yes, if you're wondering, I'll probably go back to that other painting. But not today.

Even with all of that, I still feel like a guilty mom every, single, time I go up to that easel. You know why? Cause most of the time I feel so spoiled being able to spend my time (hours a day) in front of the easel. I am lucky - well, not lucky. I've been given a gift of this time and opportunity and I shouldn't waste it vacuuming up dog hair. So, please, do yourself a favor and don't look down when you come to my house. I'm painting (with a guilty conscience cause I just can't help myself).

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